Keep Pushing Through

 Hello my lovelies, 

As I type this, I want you to envision the atmosphere I am in right now: in a lovely local coffee shop with great music playing and whatever type of coffee you like right beside you (not a fan of coffee? They have tea!) on a wonderful sunny day. Nice feeling, right? I missed blogging but for every blog I have written since the last one, I have not liked nor finished. I feel like I have accidentally shut myself in but this is my attempt of crawling back to you all. 

It is hard being honest and open sometimes but I know this will help other people feel less alone. 

Depression can be a monster that can attach itself to anyone. Towards the end of 2021 and throughout 2022, depression knocked me down so many levels. It is an indescribable feeling that can't even compare to just being extreme sadness. It can make you feel alone in a room of people who love you. Depression can make even simple tasks feel like the biggest ones. It made me detach myself from my friends and family. I got in the mindset that I will be a failure at whatever I tried to do and all this pressure squeezed my insides of expectations for myself. I want to tackle everything at once but it felt like so much that it had me staying in bed or lying to myself that I will do it tomorrow and tomorrow became never. 

Social media doesn't help with showing mostly the good parts of our lives.  I found myself comparing people that looked happy and put together online to my own life until I realized: I probably look like the people I am comparing myself to. Life isn't all rainbows and a race I have to remind myself. 

I have taken time off college to refigure my own path out. I have never felt more lost sometimes until this last year. Luckily, I have been a teacher's aide for second graders which has been such a learning experience and a bright side to my days. Thanks to this experience, I think I want to become a librarian in the future. 

I miss writing here to you all. 

I apologize for this semi-sad start of a blog to start off the year BUT I want to be honest and vulnerable in hopes of reaching out to all who are struggling. You are definitely not alone. Remember to remind people you love you care about them and hold them close to your heart. 

The next post will be a much happier one because: it will be about Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day and everything about having Moebius in my experience! 

Last thing: Taylor Swift was right when you know everything at 18 but nothing at 22.

Love always, 

Zayniator 

Currently Listening to: Don't Panic by Coldplay

Have this picture of me on my first day as a teacher's aide