Starting my Sophomore Year of College

 Hello my lovelies, 

It has been a minute since my last blog post. It is weird how time flies by even when at the moment, it feels like eternity. It is now September! I can not believe I am going into my fourth week of classes already. My college year, so far, is far from normal due to the corona-virus. We are currently living in a time that will be in textbooks for future generations. The best thing I can do is go into each day with a positive attitude and stay safe. 

Also, I defeated my anxiety of driving! I got a car and have been driving myself to class and other places, too. Good thing my car comes in handy for the drive thru at Starbucks because it is officially pumpkin tasting time! Cold Brew Pumpkin is a competition to get before the daily supply runs out and so far, I have only had it once. It was delicious. I love the pumpkin and banana bread they have. 

I know this blog doesn't have a major point but I just felt like sharing with you all. 

Stay tuned for a better blog post than this one. :) 

Love always, 

Zayniator 

What I'm Currently Listening To: Seven by Taylor Swift

Have this old picture of me and Oreo

Disability Pride Month

Hello my lovelies,

I recently learned that July is Disability Pride Month! Disability Pride Month is for showing awareness of disabilities, honoring our struggles, and spreading love when people struggle and look different from you that they are equal and human.

I am Zayne. I'm 20. I have the following: Moebius Syndrome, Pierre Robin Sequence, and Duane's Syndrome. Half of my face is paralyzed which makes me have a crooked smile and hard time speaking, my eye sometime turns in which I wear glasses to help with (plus I have bad eyesight let's go glasses team!), bad hearing, cleft palate,  have scars on my throat from medical times when I was a baby. I had a hole in the roof of my mouth when I was younger that I got fixed. I have had over 24 surgeries in my life.

I have witnessed and felt judged by my disabilities in my life but I try to remember that I am better than that. I remind myself that not everyone will be so nice and helpful to disabilities. I still have flashbacks to when a boy called me Down Syndrome because of how I look and spoke. Kids constantly stare at me every place I go but I make the best of it by smiling at them and make funny faces hoping to get a smile back. I try the best to find the positive in every moment.

Yet, I am so grateful. I know things could be so much worse. I have a half smile and I can blink my eyes and I can walk and I can breathe on my own... I can go on. I feel like us as human beings forget to take a moment to be grateful for our own abilities sometimes.

Also, disabilities aren't just physical difficulties but mental as well and internally. That makes them even more beautiful and unique and warriors. They are making it through it day by day, even when they have help with them.

To anyone who helps people with disabilities: thank you. You are a superhero and your work is literally life impacting. You deserve to be recognized for your work and I am so glad for those who have you in their life. 

The fact that there are people out there who hold themselves on a higher scale of importance than those who struggle physically and mentally bother me to pieces. Life is not fair but you should not go out of your way to make others feel terrible for things that they are incapable of.

Nobody asks for their inner struggles. Nobody asks to have a family member deal with disabilities. Nobody asks for their physical disabilities.

If anything, you should open your mind and hearts to those who struggle. We all are human and it would be better to hold each other up instead of focusing on our differences.

Open the door for strangers and those in wheelchairs. Check if they need help!

Be patient with those who struggle with speech impediments and ask nicely if you want them to repeat themselves. Speaking from my own experience, it is much better asking than acting like you understood.

Speak loud enough for people with hearing struggles and don't be angry or frustrated if you have to repeat yourself. I promise it will help!

Do not discredit those who struggle mentally. They are trying their best.

I wish I could name every single disability people struggle with but I do not want to miss one. Just know disabilities are not identities and we are more than that. Mental illnesses aren’t identities either.

Please spread awareness of disability pride month. Make sure everyone in your life and in general know their worth. Don't discriminate someone on how they look and incapability.

You are valid.

Love always,

Zayniator

P.S thinking about my Moebius friends and can't wait for the next time I can hug them all.

One of my favorite pictures from the last Moebius Conference

What is Moebius Syndrome? Click here to learn more!

What is Pierre Robin Sequence? Click here to learn more!

What is Duane's Syndrome? Click here to learn more!

I Can Do Hard Things

Hey lovelies,

It has been a minute since I blogged. I have thought about what I would say but also, I learned as I have had this blog for years, that I write better when I am inspired. I am proud of myself though because I am starting to journal again. A couple years ago, I was in a dark place and challenged myself to write everyday, even when I had two sentences. It still counted!

Writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Anyways, major announcement: I am going to major in psychology!

As I sat down and really thought about this, multimedia journalism was my net I fell into. It just seemed... convenient for me. I loved writing, so bam that seemed perfect! I was ready for it..... or so I thought I was. Whenever I would say I am going to major in multimedia, it felt like a path that I was iffy about. I love writing but do I want to do that for a living? I love writing because I can write what I want to and don't have guidelines of what I have to write about. Of course, I am still writing for the O'Colly because I love the atmosphere and we can volunteer for stories and basically have our own free ground of ideas.

With a little push, I decided that I am changing my major. When I officially decided that I am majoring in psychology, it was a indescribable feeling. I felt like I changed my whole future and am going on the right path in life. I remember calling my best friend Haley because I knew she'd get what I felt. We both agreed that it felt like we found the golden way God set out for us to do. I am excited, nervous, and ready to do this.

I can do hard things.

I finished reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle and it felt like warm coffee to the soul. I couldn't read it all in one sitting though because I had to close it and take in the words I just read. It really got to my feelings and opened my brain even more. I loved it. I really suggest it! By the way, it is a memoir if you were wondering.

In the book, Doyle constantly mentions how you should listen to what your body tells you and that you can do hard things. Suffering is a part of life and makes you a stronger person after.

I remember learning how to play piano, I sat and dwell on the fact I will never be good at playing it. But I still suffered through the doubts and the relief I got and felt whenever I would play something right or get to play a song with my piano teacher afterwards, it was the reason I never gave up on those piano keys.

I can do hard things.

I am retaking a math course in the fall and I am determined to pass it this time. I know I am going to end up crying and questioning "why do I need to know the number of tickets sold at an imaginary event?" to myself then feel the need to give up...... but I won't.

I made it through my piano doubts. I can make it through math. I have made it through a lot of things... I can't let myself trip up on the small things.

I find myself feeling helpless in this world a lot with everything that goes on. I feel small but I actually know that even the small things can lead to a bigger impact. I will continue trying my best to help the best I can and however I can. I am one person but I know I can help the world and people. I am majoring in psychology because I love the human mind and behavior. I want to help people.

This is a mess of a blog post but I hope you all enjoyed it and take at least one thing with you when you click off of here.

Thank you for reading as always,

Zayniator
Currently listening to: Turning Out by AJR

This is my Animal Crossing character look at her records!

Thoughts of Zayne 5.4.20

Hello my lovelies,

I am back with another blog post and it is currently Monday so May the Fourths be with you as you're reading this. Fun fact: I used to hate Star Wars based off of a childhood memory. I remember my friends Cami, Brittain, and I tried watching one of the movies. I can not tell you which one we watched but I know I was bored and fell asleep watching. Based on that experience, I decided I hated Star Wars. A few months ago, I went to see Rise of Skywalker even though I had no idea or context.. and that was when I decided I loved it and wanted to watch them all.

Anakin Skywalker... that's all.

Also, there is a quote from my favorite book that talked about Star Wars.. Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I love her books. I have read them all. Heck, there was an event in Oklahoma that my aunt got her signature and it is still hanging on my mirror for me to see and smile at every time. I can not stress enough how much I loved this book.

Me reading Pumpkin Heads by Rainbow Rowell

I first read Eleanor and Park in 2015 and cried over it even though nobody died. I made a whole playlist of songs dedicated to this book because music was a theme to it. I found my diary that I have had since first grade and found my diary entry about rereading it for a second time just after I finished it the first time. My mom gotten me a necklace with the book cover on it that I sadly broke. I took pictures in an Eleanor and Park shirt with books to show I love it so much. When people ask me what they should read, I ALWAYS recommend this book.



What can I say? I love books.

 It is finals week too, by the way. I am only nervous for one test because it is an actual test BUT it is open book so.. all will be well. The other two I have are writing so not as nerve wracking. Wish me luck!

I just wanted to share a blog because I felt like typing and writing. Last night I was looking over my favorite poet's poetry and reminiscing on when I first started this blog, I was inspired by her enough to email her my blog link and thank her for being my inspiration and also sharing her experiences and making her feelings known. Lucky for me, she actually replied! This was back in 2016 but still meant a lot to me.

Read Ashley Dun's poetry!


I know, especially in quarantine, the need to distract yourself from being bored or antsy is real so I hope this at least makes you smile. That has always been one of my goals in my blog. Thank you for reading as always. I know this has no meaning but I like sharing my thoughts and hope you all are staying safe.

If you are wondering, I am currently rereading Eleanor and Park again.. and I am playing the book playlist as I am typing this.


Love always,

Zayniator

Currently listening to: Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

This was me when I first read E&P

Quarantine Blogging

Hey lovelies,

I have tried multiple times to blog during these weird times that I have read in fictional books like we aren't going to experience a whole lockdown on staying inside your houses to avoid health threatening conditions..... wow, I was wrong. I don't know how to properly arrange my thoughts so I am sorry in advance for this mess of a blog. Just weird in the future I can look back onto this blog and reflect on what happened after this blog update.

Also, it is weird in February I made a blog about thriving... I miss it.

My first attempt of a blog was: I remember being told when I made my blog, I could reflect on my posts I make years later.... this seems like a good time to blog. It is crazy how fast things can change. I did not expect reading dystonia books would be kinda like reality at one period in the future.

Book recommendation: Dry by Neal Shusterman. It is about running out of water and the world goes into chaos- could not put this book down. It has been awhile since I read this and it is still in my mind so you MUST know it is that good.

Who knew the first thing people would hoard is toilet paper? Wild times upon us but also scary and  cautious times.

As I type this, it is spring break 

The end. 

Now, I am entering another week of online college classes and all my weeks seem to be all smashing together making this just a really really long cycle of days. How are online classes?

I miss being on campus. I miss seeing people. I miss seeing my professors in person. I miss my walking around campus and I miss the rainy days where I could walk with my umbrella that has dogs and cats all over the top.

But overall, it could be worse. 

Two of my college classes post their lectures online while the rest just post instructions for our assignments except my creative writing class. We missed talking to each other and seeing all our faces and funny conversations so now we have online conferences we have during class times. Thank goodness for the Internet. Overall, I am doing good in my college classes, :) 

Currently, I have the new All Time Low album playing and Oreo is sleeping at my feet. Sadly, miss Pepper is no longer with us and she is roaming in hedgehog heaven. After I typed that sentence, Oreo moved himself to sit on my thigh and squish himself as close as he can without falling off the edge of my bed. 

I really wish you all the safest and healthiest quarantine times and hopefully, it'll all be over soon. STAY INSIDE AND TAKE PRECAUTIONS! 

Lastly, thank you all for reading my blog. We are living in a history book moment and the chapter will end. 

Love always, 

Zayniator 

Listening to: Lover of Mine by 5 Seconds of Summer

Roaring 20's: Reflecting and Getting To Know Me

Hello lovelies,

Today is my birthday. 

I am TWENTY. 

I had a lot of ideas for my blog post such as 20 things that I have learned or 20 memories to hold onto as I turn twenty but: I have way too many things to choose from. 

So, I decided that I will just tell you all about me and see if any of these things change in the future. 

Here is a free bucket list in no order for any time in my future, not just this year: 

• Write a book 
• Go out of the country 
• Be successful 
• I know this is cheesy but I just want to help people and be remembered for that 
• pass college 
• be able to find a job that makes me happy
• take dance lessons in the future no idea when but dancing is such a let go
• do yoga (don't ask but this has always been a goal)
• become a great cook 
• adopt or save a shelter animal 
• Go to Paris 
• visit the Louvre 
• Become better at drawing and painting
• make something out of clay
• get a typewriter 
• meet my favorite singers, bands, book author. 
• Go to Hawaii

That is some of my wishes to do! Honestly, I love trying new things. Two weeks ago, I went to an International Bazaar and tried so many foods and enjoyed all the cultures that were shown. My favorite food I tried was chicken and egg soup from Pakistan and of course, I got crepes from the French club. 

My favorite color is blue. 

I hate pickles. I can smell them from a mile away I will in fact eliminate pickles if I could. I have the fear of falling from high places (no, I am not scared of heights I am okay with going up high I just don't want to fall). I hate math with a passion. I would rather stay inside and read a book than go outside and be active. 

Also, just found out people don't like coconuts so I am putting this out there: I love coconut. Coconut cake? Love that stuff. Coconut cupcakes? Heaven... I had the best cupcake of my life at Georgetown Cupcakes in New York City and I will forever hold that cupcake close to my heart. 

My favorite food in the whole world is pasta. 

This is going to be a long one but my favorite bands and singers (I listen to a lot of stuff besides this too): Twenty One Pilots, Taylor Swift, Waterparks, 5 Seconds of Summer, Vance Joy, Neon Trees, Halsey, just... so many people. 

I prefer tv shows over movies because I feel like I fall asleep easily to movies. Lately, I have been watching a lot of Star Wars though for the first time. My favorite movies would have to be rom coms or fantasy or just movies about animals. 

My favorite poet is Ashley Dun. My favorite book author is Rainbow Rowell (I have read all her books!) and my favorite book is from her called Eleanor and Park. I have also read Fangirl by her multiple times 

I love playing the ukulele and piano. My favorite thing to play on piano is Happy Birthday because everyone knows that song and it comes in handy. You need someone to perform for your birthday song? Get me a piano and I will be there. 

My favorite TV shows: Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill, The Vampire Diaries, The Politician, Criminal Minds, and fun fact: I have the whole series of Full House and Boy Meets World on DVD.

My favorite Disney movies: Lilo and Stitch and The Lion King. 

I love sweet tea. 

I think I am hilarious and love puns. 

My laugh is my favorite part of myself. 

I overthink and get anxious a lot over nothing. I am insecure. I don't like watching myself talk on videos. 

One of my favorite things to remember out of all my surgeries is: I remember when I was being put to sleep, a nurse came in and yelled "I forgot my paper airplane in here!" and I thought that was the most funny and interesting thing to have happened.

I hope you all enjoy this because now I am showing some of my favorite pictures I have from my 19th year saved here we go:

My best friends feat. me casually answering a call from my dad

Oreo loves me and I love Oreo 

Floor for twenty one pilots with my best friend

My mom, Oreo, and I being cute as heck

She volunteered

I couldn't choose what pictures of Eden and I to use but these two warm my heart

I broke something in my foot but go read my blog about curb checking your ankles

I dyed my hair purple so I could check this off my bucket list

Me, the day I was out of a walking boot

How I look every morning getting coffee at college

PEPPER!!! The most antisocial hedgie you'll ever meet

Cheese fries anyone?

I graduated to which I also wrote a blog for

I am at OSU! (I hate how I look in this but it is OKAY)

My dad and I continuing the tradition of needing to go the hospital selfies (shout out to our Paso Robles friends I love and miss!)

I got my license after scaring myself too much to avoid driving until my dad forced me but it was worth it

LAST PICTURE OF ME BEING 19 TIRED AND DREAMING

I can't wait to see what comes in the future and blog some more. I love and appreciate you all. It is crazy because when I was younger, like 14, I thought I wouldn't live past 18... I am proud of myself and in awe of time.

Happy birthday to me!

Love always,

Zayniator

What I'm Listening to: Roaring 20's by Panic! At The Disco

2020 And Thriving

Hey lovelies,

Long time no blog! Trust me, I have a lot of drafts saved of blog ideas that I never felt good about sharing or confident enough regardless to share it because I want to love what I post, you know? Thank you for your support throughout my every blog as always, fellow blog reader!

If you can't recall my last blog post, I was in a very very negative mindset. I was really struggling with my classes last semester but GOOD NEWS: I am thriving and surviving this semester. I am currently taking the following: Composition II, American History since 1877, Intro to World Religion, Media in a Diverse Society, and Intro to Creative Writing. My major? Multimedia journalism. My dream job? A crime journalist.

Also... my birthday is in 5 days. I am going into my roaring 20's (haha!) in 2020.

So.... wild. Yes, I will be 20. I will be an adult. I am ADULTING. I am morphing from teenager to adult. I am suddenly ready to be level: adult. Sike, I feel old.

I really hope 2020 brings good memories and success to me and to you, too.

Hopefully, I will be writing an actual blog late- WAIT, I GOT MORE NEWS! I am now a reporter for OSU's the O'Colly which is basically the newspaper and news place. Yep, we out here succeeding.

Hopefully, I will be posting an actual interesting blog but I wanted you all to know how I am currently after so many months.

Love always,

Zayniator

Song That I Am Currently Listening To: Lose It by Oh Wonder