This blog, I feel like typing like how I do in my notes app. If you ever find my phone and go to my notes app, it is FULL of poetry I have typed at late night hours or at random times. So please enjoy the following and imagine you are watching slam poetry... this is to that effect.
I cried last week.
I hear every once in a while and observe that it is so true that people just share the good parts of their lives and you would not know they are crying at night thinking about dark thoughts. The next day they post about having a blast doing something.. you wouldn't second guess that they are actually happy.
I hate that. I wish that it was normalized to put out you are struggling with things and that you know that talking about problems is OKAY because everyone has problems big or small. You aren't alone in your problems.
One reason I blog to make sure people know they are not alone. Maybe it is medicine for me to share my thoughts and feelings.
I cried last week.
College has bright times but oh my gosh, I am stressing and frustrated and overthinking. I want to succeed. What if I fail college? What if I drop out and become a failure in life? When I broke my foot, I literally threw my crutches on the floor crying about how suddenly this will be the reason I will fail college. I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to disappoint everyone.
I hold high standards to myself.
I cried last week.
It has came back to my brain after a long time of not thinking about it, it came back to my head: what if I scare people away with how I look? What if I talk weird and they think that is like not for them? What if I am too weird to be someone's friend? College is hard and I am an antisocial person with high anxiety.
I hate this.
I cried last week.
It was fall break so I went to see my mom. There is something about the love of a mom because when I hurt my foot, all I wanted was my mom right next to me to hold my hand to tell me everything will be okay. Motherly love is something special that I wish everyone could have in their lives.
I arrived to see my mom and we were alone in her car in the driveway and.. I just broke down crying out of all the overwhelming feelings that I have been hiding. It felt like a relief talking to her all about my problems I have been having and it just felt so much better having her to hug me after I cried.
I love my mom.
I am okay for now.
I keep telling myself that life is hard and that is okay. I can make it through. I am blessed with good people in my life. I have a support system. I have music. I have God to pray to and talk to.
This is me breaking barriers and being honest with you online because I want to break the stereotype of only posting about happy times and good times because life is not perfect at all. I know I am not alone. As I go to post this, I am nervous. Is this too sad? I am okay.
I am being honest.
I am not alone.
I will be okay.
I'm scared of the future but I will be okay.
Love Always,
Zayniator
Song that I am listening to: Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift
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| I did not know what picture to use so enjoy |
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