Entrance to Wonderland

I have rewritten this entry a million times; each time I opened with a hello to you fellow reader.

I guess that is my hello.

The thing is: I don't want to be bland. I want to show raw emotions into words.

Often, i let myself stay in a hole with my thoughts that are digging me deeper, not looking for a ladder to climb up.

i know there are resources to help me get out of this but I am most likely to shut myself in.

My brain works like you think that you have to look happy on the outside, you have to act positive around people, you have to act this way or else... they'll not like you. They'll change their opinions about you.

I think society is a reason to blame for this.

Right now a little side of my brain is going off saying that I shouldn't be writing negatively like this for others to read. They'll think I am suddenly depressing and won't bother liking me anymore.

I have my flaws; some are obvious while some I keep hidden away in hopes of others not finding them out.

caring what people think can be a good and bad thing. As for me, I overthink pretty much every aspect of my life possible.

If someone doesn't talk to me for a few days, does that mean they don't like me?

If they see my text but don't reply, does that mean I'm annoying?

If I reply too late, would that be awkward?

If I type a exclamation point, would that seem too excited and make them stop talking?

I hope you're getting my point.

"Sometimes I feel a pitch of black inside of me when around me is sunshine, I don't let the thundering clouds inside my brain show on the outside." -Zayne's Notes, November 6th 2016.

My blog is for my thoughts and my overwhelming wish to bring you something to remember, to inspire or remind you that you're not alone.

I want to help people.

I want to show people that they're not alone.

Maybe with this, my corner of the world could reach to yours.

Xo,

Zayne

"When you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine."- unknown.