Kindness Goes A Long Way

 Hello my lovelies, 

Originally, I was supposed to have this out last week but college life and the roadblock of not knowing how to express my thoughts in words for you all... until now. 

As most of the people reading this know, January 24th is Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day. It took my family ten years to find out about this and ever since, it has felt like a piece of me that I am so proud of. The Moebius community is something I can never express in words of how glad I am to have them. I love sharing awareness for myself and for them in hopes of helping it get to be well known. 

So, seeing all the purple this year and all the wonderful messages you all have shared with me or talked about me does not go unnoticed. I am usually pretty awkward at taking compliments because words do mean a lot to me. The hardest critic I have is myself and it is reassuring to know the impact I have made on people for the better. I will never be able to explain how much this means to me. 

Bonus story: if you know me, I love music so much. One of my favorite underrated singers I love called Banana Club noticed my message to her and she wore purple and let everyone know about it too. Big fangirl moment for me... moving along. 

The most important objective for me: trying to do my best. Sometimes I am having a bad time but it means a lot that kind people do exist. The world sometimes can feel so dark, lonely, cruel, and hopeless but it can be the small things that can make me feel better. Such as, having my blog for as long as I have. It never gets old if I get told that I have reached someone's heart or made their lives better. 

Just a reminder: it is okay to have sad days and moments. I forget about this then feel even worse that I am not okay. It is perfectly normal to not be okay all the time. 

Another thing I love is patience people have to try to understand me when I speak. I have had times where I have gotten the wrong order because I wouldn't get asked what I said but I could tell by the cluelessness looks that they were winging it for the best. Other times, when I am with friends, workers just ignore me completely and depend on them for my order. I understand the pressure and nervousness one can have thinking about asking me to repeat myself or attempts to try to understand me but I promise you that if you need me or anyone else to repeat themselves, more than likely we would be happy to.  

One of the favorite times of my life to think about is when I broke my foot (by stepping off a curb....) during my freshman year of college. Now you may be wondering: Zayne, what do you mean one of your favorite eras of my life? Well, when I broke my foot and had to wait for the ambulance, an old man stayed with me the whole time to make sure I was okay. He didn't know me at all but kept checking on me. Another time, when I was riding around in my electric wheelchair, it got stuck in the grass... so I was hopping around trying to get it back onto the concrete and another random person walked up and helped me. Let's not forget the time I got free sweet tea from Chick-fil-a and a good football watching session. 

It is the truly small acts of kindness that make my heart happy. 

It is the people who don't judge by the cover of the books, too. In my freshman year of college (pre-COVID), I would sit outside on warm days to read my books on a bench in front of my dorm. It got so often that I started seeing regulars hehe. One person that would always stop and talk to me finally one day sat down and we spoke for thirty minutes about the most random things. At one point, he started telling me the way I spoke and looked intrigued him in the best way that he wanted to get to know me. It was one of the best compliments I ever received and I cried because one of my insecurities is the way I look may turn down people's wants to interact with me. I know it is such a stupid fear but I am battling through it. 

Side note: I had to take out my photo ID to make sure they understood my name. Almost everybody I have met has complimented how cool my name is which is fun but it is a struggle sometimes to say my own name. I do love ordering on my college campus because I pay with my student ID so they can just look at it then know.  It has also become a hobby of mine to use my middle name (which is Christine) or the name Lily for my coffee orders instead of going through the process of trying to get one to understand my name. Yes, I guess you can say that I can try to say my name out loud but I have gotten to the point where my patience for myself to say my name isn't there sometimes. 

I guess the overall message for today's blog is no matter the act of kindness, I feel like it will make a difference in someone's day. I will always remember telling a substitute "thank you" just for a piece of paper in middle school and she ended up crying while telling me she hasn't heard that in a long time. 

Thank you once again for reading my blogs and making me feel like I am making a difference. Happy February! 

Love always, 

Zayniator

Remember to smile with your heart! 

Listening to: Wildfire by The Wombats 

The end

Hello 2022

 Hello my lovelies, 

I did not realize it has almost been a year since I last blogged. It's kinda crazy to me that I only posted once last year. I had two draft posts with five words waiting to be fulfilled for your beautiful brains which I never got to finish. It is hard being a perfectionist writer because I want to feel confident in what I write and it always flatters me when I get compliments. It is still unbelievable after all these years that people enjoy my blogs! Thank you for reading as always. 

While I am typing this, I am starting my 2022 Spring semester of college! I realized the other day that I graduated in 2019 and it still feels like last year. Time flies. Time also doesn't feel real at the same time because so many things feel like they have happened yesterday when it was a year or two ago. How crazy? 

Last year had amazing memories and travels. I went to North Dakota, Minnesota, Florida, Maryland, and Texas last summer. I got to see family I don't see often and create really fun memories to look back on. I also got to read a lot of books. I set out with the goal of reading 30 books last year and I achieved it! Now you must be wondering: what books have stayed in your head? 

One book: Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. This book destroyed my heart and made me bawl like a child but I loved every minute of it. It has such beautiful writing and you don't have to know mythology to read this. I absolutely loved it. I adore Patroclus with my heart. 

Fun fact: I have a magnet on my mini-fridge in my dorm that says "I mourn the death of fictional characters" and it is true. Last week, I finished a book called They Both Die At The End... I also cried to that book. I set my goal this year to be 30 books again because it felt like the perfect amount so I could be a college student and bookworm! Cheers! 

January 24th is Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day which is honestly one of my favorite days of the year. The Moebius community feels like a bonus family and it would mean the absolute world to me if you wore purple to smile with your heart. It is an indescribable feeling to see so much support on that day and I love spreading awareness for this. 

Lastly, I am 21 now and turning 22 next month (you know I will be playing Taylor Swift). I reread things I post sometimes and laugh at myself because I do not know the future. I have had this blog since I was 16 which is crazy to me. I can't believe it. 

Everyone is growing every day and our minds change. We are all having our own ups and downs in this world and as always, I want to reassure you that you are never alone. The world can be feeling like it is on your shoulders and there is nothing you can do except lock yourself in. It is okay to be sad and I am still trying to learn that is okay to ask for help. 

I am really grateful for the people in my life and the patience and support I have. There isn't really a message in this blog to take with you but I just wanted to update you all on my life. 

Hopefully this year I will have more than just this posted for you. 

Thank you, 

Zayniator 

Currently listening to: Red Eye by Kid Cudi with Haim