Deep Thoughts #1 (But Are They Really?)

Hey lovelies, for the first time I don't have a title before I write which is pretty weird. But I am currently curled up in a blanket with my dog (his name is Oreo and is a miniature Schnauzer) and have my Spotify music playing through my headphones which is a pretty normal evening for me.

I just feel like typing to my blog because I promised myself that I wouldn't hold back everything and make it seem like I am absolutely perfect 110% all my time which is not the case. I don't know if I will even post this but I am typing as I go.

If someone has suggestions for overthinking then I am all ears.

School is halfway over for my Junior year and I am going to be honest..... the thought of starting my Senior year has me even more terrified. Just having to deal with that last year of high school with everyone I grew up with has me feeling some type of way even though I don't talk to half of them. They've learned my speech and supported every year (that we have known of this) Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day.

I am a very sentimental person, okay?

But at the same time, I am excited to study and experience the college life even though I am a massive introvert and being in public surrounded by people gives me major anxiety. If you haven't noticed, I have found a new big interest in learning and studying pyschology in the future.

I am just going to tell a funny story now: I used to think I wanted to be an actress back when I was like 15 and wrote in my diary all these colleges that were apparently good for having that career. It is funny to look back on that.

Also in first grade I drew myself as a horse; not even kidding.

What was I thinking? 

Writing has always felt so theraputic for me with anything I write and just typing this for you all makes me feel so much better (I feel sick currently; gross!) even though this blog was all over the place. I hope you enjoyed it anyways!

Love always,

Zayniator

I was listening to music while I typed this and decided to share some:
So Special by Muna
Streetcar by Daniel Caesar
Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) by Billy Joel

Wonder

Hello my lovelies,

Today is a special day for me as a writer. Today is officially one year of blogging for me and I honestly can’t feel so satisfied with this as I do now. I looked back at my very first blogpost on here and... I might’ve cringed a bit inside. It felt like one of those “On This Day” throwback posts you get on Facebook and you question yourself on how could you be so awkward?

But as far as I can tell, I’m still that awkward, yet dorky, writer that I am but my grammar has improved as it should. Also that my main reason for this blog besides expressing my feelings is still true: wanting to reach out and help people to make sure they’re not alone.

With this blog, I have all my thoughts and getting feedback and support for this blog has meant so much to me. I hope reading my blog posts has affected you in some way anytime in this blog’s existence.

(If you really want a challenge on seeing how much my writing has changed (and how outgoing I was in my writing (??)), there’s a old blogspot of my fourth grade self floating somewhere on the Internet. Good luck finding that.

Now I’m going onto another topic that I meant to blog about last week but I’m a mess and think this is important.

Last week I saw the movie Wonder and afterwards left me in a deep thought (as everything does) and I could relate to some parts of the movie. I used to not like how my lips were when I was little and how I talk but I got past that. I still look at myself in the mirror for long moments st a time and smile at myself just to see my crooked smile and honestly, I wouldn’t trade that.

Also, it is sad to know there are those mean people in the world who take pride by hurting others. I recall being called many things such as “stupid” and “too ugly to have friends” but I know that these aren’t true.

Especially my friends. My friends are the most supportive and amazing people that I’m so thankful to have in my life with their music tastes, how they can relate to things I say, and laugh at my stupid jokes. But they also help boost my confidence.

(My family really rocks too.)

For example, one of the most precious people I cherish I quote: “WOW YOU’RE SO ADORABLE.” Do you feel that? My self esteem has RISEN.

 I know I say this a lot but don’t judge a book by its cover.

Today is the first day of December and I have a feeling it’ll be a great month. There’s so many birthdays this month for amazing and magnetic people in my life so I’ll enjoy that along with the holidays with family.

Thank you for reading my blog for a year’s worth.

Love always,

Zayniator