Mixer Of Feelings + Dear You (Hard Times)

Tuesday 

Have you ever felt just like a cloud is hanging over you when you're supposed to be surrounded by sunshine? This is me at the moment I'm writing this.

I feel as if there's this unbearable sadness inside me clawing me bit by bit, trying to reach the surface. The only thing is: I won't let it. I keep on walking with this feeling inside that I can't get rid of.

Why do I feel this way? That's a mystery.

Tuesday Night 

I just got into National Honor Society which I'm really proud of myself for.

When I was on stage, I remembered this quote about wondering how many pictures that I was in the background in and in that moment I realized: I was probably in a lot of backgrounds in that moment.

That night for me brought my mood up and I just want to state something out there: If you're having a hard day, hard week, hard month, this feeling won't let forever.

The sun will rise and we will try again. |-/

Tonight (Wednesday) 

That cloud feeling went away and I know that I will definitely have another day like that; just not today.

Now tomorrow is a mystery.

Love always,

Zayniator

Dear you who is having a hard time, 

   Please remember that you're never alone and these days won't last forever. You can make it through this. I believe in you. You're cared about and loved. 

Feel the need to let yourself out. Cry. It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to be sad sometimes. When you have those late nights when you can't sleep and your mind starts to plunder into darkness, know there is light. 

Find that. Take the pain and put it into something powerful. 

Write. Draw. Music. 

I love you always. 

Curl into a sushi roll in a blanket and remember these words
: There's a rainbow around every corner. 

I love you. 

Zayne. 

Listening to: 

We Don't Believe What's On TV by twenty one pilots 

Love Yourself {Part two}

The most hardest person on me is myself. My mind never shuts down. I overthink almost everything in existence. You can ask me the most random question and my brain would most likely start to panic and I'd feel like no matter what my response is, it'd be the wrong response.

I feel like a lot of the time, people seek out other people's opinions about them to make themselves feel better. Something I find hard is my own self esteem.

I'm self conscious about pretty much everything about myself. I can't talk on the phone because I'm nervous my speech won't sound good. I'm nervous when I eat in front of a stranger, I'd look weird.

If you're reading this, please know loving yourself is an important priority to have. I struggle with this every day of my life but I know I'm getting better.

I may never be completely comfortable in my own skin but at least I try.

You are beautiful.

You are strong.

You are important. 

I can't stress enough about this topic. No one can do better at being you than you.

Love always,

Zayniator.

Loving Someone {Part One}

Valentine's Day: 

"it's not about
ninety-nine cent cards
from the dollar store,
or milk chocolate
in the shape of a heart

it's not about 
feeling bad for yourself
because you're single
or going out
to an expensive dinner

it's not about
how many bouquets
or "happy valentine's day"
text messages you receive

love is beautiful,
it is forbearing and selfless,
it is not bitter or rude,
it is modest and humble


so even if you think today
was created by hallmark
to sell more cards

why not show love
to someone 
you care about?
or even to 
a complete stranger

you don't have to have
a boyfriend or girlfriend
or husband or wife
or "significant other"
to celebrate today

because everyday
is a wonderful day
to love someone." -Madisen Kuhn. 

Today is Valentine's Day and part one of two blog posts in one week (: I felt like this poem would be the perfect thing to read because you can love more than just your significant other. ❤️️

Love always, 

Zayne 

Listening to: 

Loving Someone by The 1975

Art & Music

As some of you know, maybe all of you, I'm really thoughtful and sometimes it's so hard to speak out how I'm feeling at the time.

We all have our times where we just need an escape from the world. We all have our strategies of dealing with stress, emotions, anxiety, everything. Something that has always been there for me is music. 

There's something about melodies and the way lyrics can go straight to your soul and make you feel like you aren't alienated with these thoughts. I can still remember instances when I'd just be having a bad night and I'd listen to soothing music to make me feel better. 

You may have other ways of handling your feelings and emotions. 

This why I decided to create a five song playlist and share for if you ever needed music to feel better. 

Clean by Taylor Swift

Truce by twenty øne pilots 

Addict With A Pen by twenty one pilots 

Invisible by Hunter Hayes 

Paradise by Coldplay 

As you can tell by now, writing is my to go to thing whenever I need to pour my emotions out onto a post for everyone else to read and hopefully can relate to. If you hold in your feelings and thoughts in, there's going to come a time to when it'll be all too much; you'll become toxic and it'll be an atomic bomb blast of feelings around your surroundings. 

Don't hold everything inside for me, please? 

Love always, 

Zayne.