Thursday, December 21, 2017

Deep Thoughts #1 (But Are They Really?)

Hey lovelies, for the first time I don't have a title before I write which is pretty weird. But I am currently curled up in a blanket with my dog (his name is Oreo and is a miniature Schnauzer) and have my Spotify music playing through my headphones which is a pretty normal evening for me.

I just feel like typing to my blog because I promised myself that I wouldn't hold back everything and make it seem like I am absolutely perfect 110% all my time which is not the case. I don't know if I will even post this but I am typing as I go.

If someone has suggestions for overthinking then I am all ears.

School is halfway over for my Junior year and I am going to be honest..... the thought of starting my Senior year has me even more terrified. Just having to deal with that last year of high school with everyone I grew up with has me feeling some type of way even though I don't talk to half of them. They've learned my speech and supported every year (that we have known of this) Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day.

I am a very sentimental person, okay?

But at the same time, I am excited to study and experience the college life even though I am a massive introvert and being in public surrounded by people gives me major anxiety. If you haven't noticed, I have found a new big interest in learning and studying pyschology in the future.

I am just going to tell a funny story now: I used to think I wanted to be an actress back when I was like 15 and wrote in my diary all these colleges that were apparently good for having that career. It is funny to look back on that.

Also in first grade I drew myself as a horse; not even kidding.
What was I thinking? 

Writing has always felt so theraputic for me with anything I write and just typing this for you all makes me feel so much better (I feel sick currently; gross!) even though this blog was all over the place. I hope you enjoyed it anyways!

Love always,

Zayniator

I was listening to music while I typed this and decided to share some:
So Special by Muna
Streetcar by Daniel Caesar
Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) by Billy Joel


Friday, December 1, 2017

Wonder

Hello my lovelies,

Today is a special day for me as a writer. Today is officially one year of blogging for me and I honestly can’t feel so satisfied with this as I do now. I looked back at my very first blogpost on here and... I might’ve cringed a bit inside. It felt like one of those “On This Day” throwback posts you get on Facebook and you question yourself on how could you be so awkward?

But as far as I can tell, I’m still that awkward, yet dorky, writer that I am but my grammar has improved as it should. Also that my main reason for this blog besides expressing my feelings is still true: wanting to reach out and help people to make sure they’re not alone.

With this blog, I have all my thoughts and getting feedback and support for this blog has meant so much to me. I hope reading my blog posts has affected you in some way anytime in this blog’s existence.

(If you really want a challenge on seeing how much my writing has changed (and how outgoing I was in my writing (??)), there’s a old blogspot of my fourth grade self floating somewhere on the Internet. Good luck finding that.

Now I’m going onto another topic that I meant to blog about last week but I’m a mess and think this is important.

Last week I saw the movie Wonder and afterwards left me in a deep thought (as everything does) and I could relate to some parts of the movie. I used to not like how my lips were when I was little and how I talk but I got past that. I still look at myself in the mirror for long moments st a time and smile at myself just to see my crooked smile and honestly, I wouldn’t trade that.

Also, it is sad to know there are those mean people in the world who take pride by hurting others. I recall being called many things such as “stupid” and “too ugly to have friends” but I know that these aren’t true.

Especially my friends. My friends are the most supportive and amazing people that I’m so thankful to have in my life with their music tastes, how they can relate to things I say, and laugh at my stupid jokes. But they also help boost my confidence.

(My family really rocks too.)

For example, one of the most precious people I cherish I quote: “WOW YOU’RE SO ADORABLE.” Do you feel that? My self esteem has RISEN.

 I know I say this a lot but don’t judge a book by its cover.

Today is the first day of December and I have a feeling it’ll be a great month. There’s so many birthdays this month for amazing and magnetic people in my life so I’ll enjoy that along with the holidays with family.

Thank you for reading my blog for a year’s worth.

Love always,

Zayniator

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Book Convention & Halloween

Hey my lovelies, it is Zayniator with a new blog post! It is now November and if you have me on social media you probably noticed that I went to a teen book convention in my own state of Oklahoma the past weekend.

I can't express how much I loved it. With how much I love writing and plan on writing my own book one day, it was great meeting and hearing what all these authors had to say about their writing experiences.

Plus, I got new books!

Also, Monday was Halloween andddddddddddddddd I was someone from the 20's with my best friend Kaylee (who is more awesome than Haley).

 Every year for Halloween, I always look back on my past costumes and reflect on them. I have to say the most scary hideous costume was the year I was a vampire with a blue wig. Somehow, I ended up on the paper for that? I don't understand?

My favorite is when I was a pink lady from Grease. I love that movie so much.

I hope you all have a great November!

Love always,

Zayniator


Maggie Stiefvater 
My best friend Kaylee and I

This is me trying to seem aesthetic but failing. 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

The Thoughts of A Now Seven Year Old

Hello my loves, today is a very special day for my little sister, Eden, who is turning seven. To be honest, I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday when I found out that I was going to be a big sister.

I was an only child for ten years and sometimes I miss it but this is not the reason why I am typing this right now.

What I wish for my sister and upon everyone is that everyone at one point is happy with their lives. I always know that there will be ups and downs in life but what matters most is that we seek the positive things in the end; which there will be.

So I am going to give you a very special interview with my sister:


(Z= me E= Eden)

Z: What is your favorite song?
E: Look What You Made Do by Taylor Swift 

Z: What is your dream birthday party?
E: at a haunted house (??)

Z: What is your favorite thing about your birthday? 
E: presents 

Z: What is the earliest thing you can remember?
E: when I was a baby. 

Z: How do you describe yourself and how do you describe me?
E: I'm nice and love people and you (Zayne aka me) listen to lots of music. 

Z: What could you say to help people? 
E: Can I help you? 

And finally....

Z: Tell me a joke
E: knock knock 
Z: who's there?
E: Dishes 
Z: Dishes who? 
E: gotta wash the dishes. 

            That is all folks. 


Thank you for always reading and keeping up with my blogs. ❤️

Love always,

Zayniator 

Thursday, September 28, 2017

In Case You Need A Laugh (Or a Smile)

Hello my lovelies, it is great to see you all back again and ready to read my posts. It forever means a lot. Also, you may not notice but I changed some of my display on my blog so I hope it looks pretty to you as it does to me.

This week's blog post I thought over and decided that I am going to share with you five stories that are completely embarrassing but funny to look back on. I hope at least one of these makes you laugh or smile.

1. 911, Sorry. 

Does anyone remember when blackberry phones were popular and it had this one game where you could hit the blocks with the balls and the paddle? No idea what I am talking about? Well oops.

Anyways, I always got my mom's phone to play this game and on Blackberries they lock too just like iPhones. 

We were in a doctor's office and my mom was back inside while I was sitting with my Nana. My mom left her purse with us and I got my mom's phone out to play that game. I thought I knew how to unlock the phone but I totally didn't. 

The phone started dialing and the person on the phone said hello then I took the phone in my hands and mentally started freaking out. I kept pressing the end button but it wouldn't hang up. Finally, I looked to my nana and gave her the phone because I had no idea what to do then. 

So that was the time I accidentally called 911. 


 2.  What Happens When You Watch Too Much Spongebob

Every child that has ever watched Spongebob has to remember the theme song with the pirate. That is like over half the reasoning to watch that show in the first place. 

One day, my teacher in first grade was saying for me to do something and normally, a child would say okay then just leave it at that. 

Not this girl.

I saluted to my teacher and said "Aye eye captain!" just like the pirate in Spongebob. Imagine this little girl in first grade saluting and saying that with the biggest grin and black glasses. 


This is just a throwback picture from first grade to help your imagery.

Needless to say, I got sent to my mom's classroom. 

End of Story Time. 

I hope you smiled or even laughed at these two stories. As I type these, I wish my mood would lighten up. 

How do you make yourself feel happy? 

Love always,

Zayniator


Thursday, September 21, 2017

Capable Of Anything

   "Anyone from anywhere can do anything."- Tyler Joseph. 


Hello my lovelies, I hope you all are doing well.

As I type this, my heart is so happy for Darci Lynne for winning America's Got Talent. She's so talented and deserved it so much. I think this shows that anything can happen if you work hard enough and wish with all your heart on it.

I feel like I say this a lot but life can be so hard sometimes. It's full of ups and downs, challenges and hard times but there is always hope if you can find it. There is no doubt in my mind that every one of us has felt hopeless and powerless because honestly, who hasn't?

I have a huge dream and goal in life to become a writer and publish my own books, wether it's a book of poetry or a fictional story. But again, I know you can't just wish upon a star and make it happen. You got to put work into it.

I practice my writing everyday.

I have 124 notes in my phone and over half is poetry while I even write some in books.

I just wish upon you that everything in your desires comes to you and life gets better if it's not the best at the moment.

Also, I can't believe that October is around the corner. I can't wait for what the future holds.

I feel like I need a story for this blog post so are you ready?

I think it was 2012, I made a book. When I say I made a book, I mean I got a stack of papers and stapled them together and wrote the copyright icon and the year of 2012.

 I wrote the story based on these stickers I had in a coloring book that I never used. Every page of it had a sticker and I think the title of it is "The Mystery Of The Missing Birthday Cake".  Trust me when I say it's about more than a missing birthday cake. It had some soap opera material in it that makes me question myself??

But as far back as I remember, I've always loved writing.

The basic message of everything is that you're able to do anything you want to do in life.

(Except go to the moon, sadly.)

Once again, thank you everyone for reading my blog. It means so much to me.

Love always,

Zayniator




P.S have a nice throwback picture of me for Thursday. 

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Peace, Love & Positivity

Hello again my lovelies,

Today's thoughts center around trying to think positive which I feel like a lot of us need to think more on the bright side. I feel like we all need to take a breath sometimes-

Give me a favor, okay?

Close your eyes and think of three things that make you happy; when you got those three things then read on.

I am challenging you now.

I dare you to go a whole day- even if it's an hour, go without complaining or seeing through the negative glasses that are built in our eyesight.

I understand that we have our hard times in life but remember: just a bad day, not a bad life.

Today I was negative. We voted for class officers of the junior class and of course, I started telling myself that barely anyone voted me and that I wasn't going to get it. Then a little later on, I started to see the bright side.

I applied to be in student council. I have my blog which is all me. 

I don't know if I mentioned this before you guys but one of my self goals I've always had is to make a difference. Even if I make someone day, that will mean so much to me. So give me a favor and be kind to everyone. Always.

If you feel like you can't talk to anyone about your feelings or that no one cares, I care. If you need to rant about your feelings or anything at all, this place is a judgment free zone. You can post anonymously in the comments about your issues or if you have any of my social medias then you can always message me there, too.

Social media shouldn't just be all negative things. When I get on Facebook, I don't like seeing people complain about anything. We all complain, I get that but it's better to be positive than be negative.

It's almost contagious. When someone is negative or rude, I feel like those horrible vibes spread a bit towards others and I don't want to see others down because of social media.

So give me another favor, okay? Spread love online AND offline. Go comment on people's photos and posts congratulations them and make them feel good of themselves. Compliment someone's outfit. Open the door for people. Leave tips.

In case you haven't heard this, I'm glad you're here today and you are special. You are unique and irreplaceable so you should hold yourself up like the masterpiece you are and know that you are capable of anything.

Peace, love & positivity.

                                                                  ! Song Suggestions! 


  Emmylou by Vance Joy 
1-800-273-8255 by Logic
Guns For Hands by twenty one pilots 
Long Live by Taylor Swift 
She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5


Love always,


Zayniator


Thursday, August 17, 2017

Updating Life

Today was my first day as a junior and honestly I feel like I'm more confident this year already than I was at the start of my sophomore year. Also, I've made myself a goal to actually socialize more this year. I don't know if this would shock you my fellow readers but I tend to keep to muself a lot more instead of being a social butterfly.

Unless it comes to this blog thennnnnnn I am pretty good with getting out of my shell. I'm terribly sorry for not updating this much this past summer but once I get on schedule once more along with school, I feel like I'll be able to write like I used to and update you all more.

I've had drafts saved in this blog to share with you all but I've never got to the point of where I could post those in confidence because it felt like I was missing something. This summer had great memories but I still had my mood drops and doubt they'll go away anytime soon.

Plus, I felt like today would be a good day to post and I didn't want let another week pass by with no blog posting. So today is your lucky day, my readers.

Today's blog post has no real message but in case you need to hear: I'm happy you've made it this far, my friend. I know there's hard times in life but you have made it to today.

I'm proud of you.

Until next time, thank you for sticking around.

Love always,

Zayniator.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Complicated Minds

Hello my lovely readers, thank you for always reading my blogs even when they're short. It means a lot.

There's many things I don't understand; including math. But today I'm going to focus on one subject I don't get: people.

I took psychology this past school year and it was a very interesting class. It even made me think of taking classes of psychology in college. Our brains are interesting and complicated in an astonishing way.

I just need answers to some things people do and say.

When I started this blog, one of my favorite poets actually read my blog and replied to an email of mine saying that if I be true to myself and to you guys, it'll impact lives and honestly that is a big part of this blog of mine.

There is always one person who cares more than the other it seems like in any relationship (friends, family, significant others) to me. If one person starts pushing the other away, you can't think that the other won't be affected.

But sometimes it turns out better than it was. Not always though.

If you have negative people in your life, it'll feel better once you get the weight of your shoulders. Don't settle down on something that can be so much brighter.

This is something I've learned early: people come and go. I remember in middle school, one of my friends at the time suddenly eliminated our friendship and forgot about my existence it seemed like. I cried hard at this and since then, I cherish the people in my life very much.

Plus, it turned out better in the long run.

Please know that you matter and are cared for.

I guess my question for this blog is: will I ever understand people even a little?

Love always,

Zayne

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Catching Up To Do

Hello my lovely reader, I hope your day is going well. I am on the verge of excitement for the Fourth of July with all the fireworks and such.

This summer involved me going with my dad to California once again. It was amazing seeing all our good friends and made more good memories. Also, Madonna Inn is so amazing with its pink decorations and it even has a waterfall!


I love traveling and I'll never forget this trip.

So I feel the need of making a point in this post so we all as humans aren't perfect but we strive to succeed in this world. With all our good traits we also have our bad traits.

What is some of your ways to break bad habits?

I love you all.

Love always,

Zayniator.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Famous Last Words

Hello my sunshines,


  I hope you week has been good. It seems like just yesterday was my last blog update; I guess you can say nothing has changed really.


  But I feel like I need to stress on something.


Recently, I have read Looking For Alaska by John Green. If you have not read this book, I suggest you should but have some tissues.... as always. I will not spoil the book for you but I feel like we all often forget that nothing is permanent.


A saying I hate is "there is always tomorrow!" when really, we have no clue if there will be a tomorrow. I always worry about when I see someone, it will be the last time I do. I know that is probably depressing to some point but that is just how my mind works.


So I have a request for you.


Life is too short to hold grudges and ignorance. If you are in a disagreement with someone special, please at least talk it through.


If you look at each last conversation you have had with a loved one or someone special, would you like that to be your last words spoken?


I will always regret not going to see my nanaw in her casket when I could have. I wish I could see her one more time and ask her for her wisdom of things.


Call your loved ones and friends to share some appreciation with.


To fit in the theme of this blog, I have found last words that I find amazing. These were the famous last words of Ethel Barrymore, who was an actress back in the 1950s, "Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy."


Make today count.


Love always,


Zayniator

P.S this picture was from last year! Next blog update I will be off for summer break. :)

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Little Sunshine In My Pocket

Hello my fellow stardusts,

This week has been stressful for me; school is getting closer to ending which means tests to study for. I had one of my moments of dark thoughts on Sunday but when Monday came, a pleasant surprise happened to me.

It melted my heart reading a card I got from my third and fourth grade teachers. If either of you are reading this, thank you so much.

As I type this in my English class, sitting next to an awesome cool person in the whole world with the name Haley (you are welcome for not erasing that), my shoes are soaked from the rain outside. I can't help but wonder if today will be imprinted in my mind forever or it'll fade into all the other days I don't remember having.
                                     


Make today count. I hope your week has been going good and only gets better.

I've been thinking of doing a series of blogs that'll relate to one another. It means a lot when I get acknowledged for how hard I do work on my blog.

Let us continue to venture off into the world.

Xoxo,


Zayniator




Ps. Kaylee is more awesome and cool than Haley! 

(Feel honored.)

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Time Goes On

After a month without updating this blog, it is time for your local teenage girl who thinks a lot to come back for some more blogging.

The other day, I was looking through my diary that I've had since first grade. Now trust me when I say a lot of things can happen within a month or even a year. Here I am now fixing to finish my sophomore year of high school.

Yesterday during history, I thought of the beginning of the year feelings I had. Those feelings weren't so positive and flash forward to now there's a difference.

I felt as if I was gone for a day or even a week no one would notice. To bring back something I wrote in 2015: "I have learned that there is a rainbow around the corner. Every storm runs out of rain. "

As time went on this year, my feelings have changed for the positive. If you think you're going to be stuck in the downhill spiral forever, you're wrong.

It will get better; I promise.

Also it makes me feel unexplainable when someone tells me that reading my blog has helped them. I mean.. that's crazy. I appreciate all the kind words and all the support this gets. You'll never know how much I love helping people.

Back when I posted my first blog post, I emailed a link of it to one of my favorite bloggers and poet Ashley Dun. I didn't think I'd get a response back but miracously she replied and told me that with my honesty, it'll touch lives and will help people.

(Ashley Dun's blog: ashleydun.com )

I'm seeing it happen and just.. it's an unexplainable feeling.

Again, thank you.


Love always,

Zayniator

Be back next Thursday. ๐Ÿ’–







Thursday, March 30, 2017

Purpose + Dear You {Who Is Lost}

This week has been a week where I've questioned myself a lot lately about certain things. Plus a rain storm was in my mind one night and left me drowning in my thoughts. It's hard sometimes when you try to find things to raise your mood but ultimately, you just had to let the rain stop.

I remember when I was around fourteen and that seemed like a hard year for me. The storms were coming to me like I lived in Seattle, Washington or some place where it'd always rain.

I opened up to my dad one day about all the issues I had with myself because I just lost it that day. I even made him cry with things I said.

One question I remember asking him and I still question this: What's my purpose? My dad just simply said to be a teenager, which didn't satisfy me at all.

I've said this before but one of my favorite bands in the world is Twenty One Pilots. The lead singer named Tyler Joseph gave this advice about purpose that I haven't forgotten and probably won't forget: the beginning of purpose is finding something only you understand.

From this, Tyler created a song called "Kitchen Sink" where a kitchen sink to you isn't a kitchen sink to him. Something powerful happened at a kitchen sink that only he knows. That's his purpose.

I find my purpose in giving my feelings in this blog in hopes of gaining something back or even helping one person. I still struggle and deal with these negative emotions daily but I know there will be a sunny day.


Everyone has a purpose in this world.

Don't just sit back and decide that your worth isn't enough for this world because it is.

Find your purpose and remember the feeling of satisfaction from it.

You're powerful.

You're you.

Love always, Zayne.

Dear you who is feeling lost in this world, 

I know this feeling all too well. Life is a maze and sometimes you get into that corner of the maze where its too much to choose and to deal with the twist and turns of life. It's a wonder what you can do to see the peak of day, a better time. 

You'll find your path. 

Love always, 

Zayniator. 

















Thursday, March 23, 2017

Feelings

"All we do is think about the feelings we hide." -Halsey.

I have a theory about myself.

It's story time.

There's this friend I have that honestly knows me too well. One time they just knew something was wrong and I was stubborn to say how I felt or what was wrong.

Actually, this was more than once but anyways, they got frustrated and told me how they'll never judge me and asked why it was so hard for me to tell them how I felt.

I still remember to this day what I said because I love my metaphor I used and it's still true.

I have walls around myself and it takes time for me to let down those walls for someone; there's always a chance they'll make me regret it.

It is hard for me to tell someone how I feel.

Writing is a solution to this for me. Words have their way with me while sometimes I have a way with words.

The point of this is: Don't hold everything inside until you explode. This is a continuous struggle but I'm getting better.

This has been ramblings with Zayne.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

One Word At A Time

As some of you noticed, last week was blogless for me. Today however.... isn't.

As some of you have seen, I had the honor of being interviewed and even being the cover of a magazine for my local town. I can't even describe how great it feels to spread positivity and let people know about Moebius and other things as well.

One of my favorite things is spreading positivity and motivation. Someone once told me that I should be a motivational speaker and I automatically thought: I can't talk in front of people.

That's how confident I am.

One of the main reasons why I do this blog is to reach out and help people while in the meantime letting my own feelings out so I won't be bottling up emotions. When I hear that I've helped someone with my blog or anything, I feel happy inside.

This isn't one of my deep down under posts but I just wanted to share about the magazine and about how much I appreciate everyone reading my blog posts.

Thank you and hope I get to see you lurking in my blog once again. ❤️️

Love always,

Zayniator.


Thursday, February 23, 2017

Mixer Of Feelings + Dear You (Hard Times)

Tuesday 

Have you ever felt just like a cloud is hanging over you when you're supposed to be surrounded by sunshine? This is me at the moment I'm writing this.

I feel as if there's this unbearable sadness inside me clawing me bit by bit, trying to reach the surface. The only thing is: I won't let it. I keep on walking with this feeling inside that I can't get rid of.

Why do I feel this way? That's a mystery.

Tuesday Night 

I just got into National Honor Society which I'm really proud of myself for.

When I was on stage, I remembered this quote about wondering how many pictures that I was in the background in and in that moment I realized: I was probably in a lot of backgrounds in that moment.

That night for me brought my mood up and I just want to state something out there: If you're having a hard day, hard week, hard month, this feeling won't let forever.

The sun will rise and we will try again. |-/

Tonight (Wednesday) 

That cloud feeling went away and I know that I will definitely have another day like that; just not today.

Now tomorrow is a mystery.

Love always,

Zayniator


Dear you who is having a hard time, 

   Please remember that you're never alone and these days won't last forever. You can make it through this. I believe in you. You're cared about and loved. 

Feel the need to let yourself out. Cry. It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to be sad sometimes. When you have those late nights when you can't sleep and your mind starts to plunder into darkness, know there is light. 

Find that. Take the pain and put it into something powerful. 

Write. Draw. Music. 

I love you always. 

Curl into a sushi roll in a blanket and remember these words
: There's a rainbow around every corner. 

I love you. 

Zayne. 

Listening to: 

We Don't Believe What's On TV by twenty one pilots 


Thursday, February 16, 2017

Love Yourself {Part two}

The most hardest person on me is myself. My mind never shuts down. I overthink almost everything in existence. You can ask me the most random question and my brain would most likely start to panic and I'd feel like no matter what my response is, it'd be the wrong response.

I feel like a lot of the time, people seek out other people's opinions about them to make themselves feel better. Something I find hard is my own self esteem.

I'm self conscious about pretty much everything about myself. I can't talk on the phone because I'm nervous my speech won't sound good. I'm nervous when I eat in front of a stranger, I'd look weird.

If you're reading this, please know loving yourself is an important priority to have. I struggle with this every day of my life but I know I'm getting better.

I may never be completely comfortable in my own skin but at least I try.

You are beautiful.

You are strong.

You are important. 

I can't stress enough about this topic. No one can do better at being you than you.

Love always,

Zayniator.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Loving Someone {Part One}

Valentine's Day: 

"it's not about
ninety-nine cent cards
from the dollar store,
or milk chocolate
in the shape of a heart

it's not about 
feeling bad for yourself
because you're single
or going out
to an expensive dinner

it's not about
how many bouquets
or "happy valentine's day"
text messages you receive

love is beautiful,
it is forbearing and selfless,
it is not bitter or rude,
it is modest and humble


so even if you think today
was created by hallmark
to sell more cards

why not show love
to someone 
you care about?
or even to 
a complete stranger

you don't have to have
a boyfriend or girlfriend
or husband or wife
or "significant other"
to celebrate today

because everyday
is a wonderful day
to love someone." -Madisen Kuhn. 

Today is Valentine's Day and part one of two blog posts in one week (: I felt like this poem would be the perfect thing to read because you can love more than just your significant other. ❤️️

Love always, 

Zayne 



Listening to: 

Loving Someone by The 1975

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Art & Music

As some of you know, maybe all of you, I'm really thoughtful and sometimes it's so hard to speak out how I'm feeling at the time.

We all have our times where we just need an escape from the world. We all have our strategies of dealing with stress, emotions, anxiety, everything. Something that has always been there for me is music. 

There's something about melodies and the way lyrics can go straight to your soul and make you feel like you aren't alienated with these thoughts. I can still remember instances when I'd just be having a bad night and I'd listen to soothing music to make me feel better. 

You may have other ways of handling your feelings and emotions. 

This why I decided to create a five song playlist and share for if you ever needed music to feel better. 

Clean by Taylor Swift
Truce by twenty รธne pilots 
Addict With A Pen by twenty one pilots 
Invisible by Hunter Hayes 
Paradise by Coldplay 

As you can tell by now, writing is my to go to thing whenever I need to pour my emotions out onto a post for everyone else to read and hopefully can relate to. If you hold in your feelings and thoughts in, there's going to come a time to when it'll be all too much; you'll become toxic and it'll be an atomic bomb blast of feelings around your surroundings. 

Don't hold everything inside for me, please? 

Love always, 

Zayne.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Short and Sweet

This week has been great even though it's only Thursday. You know how you have those days where you just want it to be over with?

Tuesday was definitely not one of those days. It was Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day and seeing all the people that were wearing purple made my heart swell. 

Thank you to all those people who did wear purple; I know I'm not the only one who appreciated it. It was amazing seeing all those people, some I did not know, wearing purple to spread acknowledgement of Moebius. 

My mom didn't know about the existence of Moebius Syndrome until I was ten years old and just wow. It's an amazing feeling knowing you're not alone in the world. 

You're never alone. 

When I went to my first Moebius conference, I still remember my mom and I sitting with Starbucks in our hands, looking at people and being like: do you think they're here for the Moebius conference? Do they have Moebius too? 

Never will forget that feeling. 

I know this isn't one of my best blog posts but I just want to thank everyone for wearing purple. I appreciate it so so so much. 

Love always, 

Zayne

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Moebius Awareness Day Comin At You

In less than a week, it'll be one of my favorite days of the year to look forward to. I'm being serious when I say I think about this day in July when the day is in January.

Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day.

One of my favorite reasons why I just love spreading the word about this isn't just cause I have it; it's cause I love spreading awareness and having people acknowledge its existence. I bet if you walked up to a complete stranger and be like "Yo homie what is Moebius Syndrome?" there's a chance they'd have no idea what Moebius is.

(If you need more information go to http://moebiussyndrome.org/about-moebius-syndrome/what-is-moebius-syndrome/ )

Also think you're a hippy or something if you just causally greet them with "yo homie" so don't do that FYI.

Once my friend and I were talking and I just started talking about Moebius Syndrome which I had not known that he had a project for a teacher about doing a presentation about a certain syndrome.
Needless to say, he chose to do his whole presentation over Moebius Syndrome.

I kinda felt awesome.

Another reason is because it honestly makes me feel all tingly inside seeing people wear purple that day. In seventh grade, it was the first year I wore purple and spread the word for Moebius Awareness Day.

We had these shirts customized to say 'I Smile For Zayne' for my close friends only to this to blow up farther than my mom and I both thought about. This store in my town literally ran out of purple shirts to make more so they used pink.

When I arrived at school and saw all the purple, I literally cried. 

The point is: it'd not only mean so much to me if you wore purple but it'd mean so much to others who have Moebius as well.

SPREAD THE WORD TO WEAR PURPLE JANUARY 24TH WHUCH IS THE UPCOMING TUESDAY!

SHARE THIS LINK, POST ON FACEBOOK ABOUT IT, TWEET IT, INSTAGRAM IT, TUMBLR IT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO CLUE HOW YOU USE TUMBLR BUT JUST LET PEOPLE KNOW TO WEAR PURPLE!!!

Love always,

Zayniator ๐Ÿ’–

P.S this is a throwback to seventh grade year!


P.S it'd mean so much to see if you wear purple and post it to your social media ๐Ÿ’œ

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

*Something about school in the title*

This week I honestly prayed to God about finding inspiration to write about and as always he has answered. Last week's blog post blew my mind at the reactions I got and I have something simple to say to that: I may not be able to change the world but if I make an impact in someone's life, that's enough for me.

I seem to get nervous when I talk to people I'm not close to. Whenever someone tries to make a conversation with me I always find myself panicking slightly inside asking myself what should I say after this? Social Anxiety. 

At school, I mostly tend to myself and my best friends. I'm not outgoing. I can't just walk up to somebody and create a conversation. I wish I could. I wish I was one of those people that could talk to anyone and not feel a slight bit nervous. 

Last year I took a seat at a lunch table to wait for my two best friends in the lunch line. While they were in the lunch line, I was eating my food in peace until these three people came and sat at my table. They acknowledged my existence for a second before carrying on their conversation. 

My hands were earthquakes under my lunch tray that's how nervous I was. They literally weren't even speaking to me and I was internally going into panic mode. Way to go me... 

Today as I write this on Wednesday, I found out today that I was chosen for student of the month for my sophomore class which was TOTALLY unexpected. When I heard my name on the announcements for this I seriously said "What!" out loud. 

Highlight of my day right there. 

Anyways, I know I feel so out of place at school a lot of the time and I tend to stay in my own bubble but it feels good to know that I get acknowledged. 

Also, please be kind to everyone. No matter who they are or if it's even their job; say thank you. Last week this substitute was passing out worksheets for us to do and I told her a simple thank you. 

Her face lit up and she told me I was the only one who had told her that all day. It made me feel good.

And that's all for this week's blog. 


14 DAYS UNTIL MOEBIUS SYNDROME AWARENESS DAY THE DAY TO WEAR PURPLE!!! 

Love always, 

Zayne

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Late Night Thoughts #1

Sometimes I forget I'm breathing. Doesn't that sound crazy? The thought of forgetting that my own lungs, my own body, is functioning with the task of making my heart beat and my lungs engulfing air and exhaling.

When I was in sixth grade, I had pains that felt like a knife stabbing into my chest whenever I breathed in. Sometimes it lasted for a few seconds, other times it felt like someone grabbed my insides and was challenging me to take another breath.

The pains slowly faded into darkness along with time pass.

We are bone in skin trained to get along in this time.

Our brains are never ending mazes, growing more each day.

Eyes are colors with emotions as if they were paintings.

Hands can be used to create masterpieces or be used to speak in a language without words being spoken.

Every single person is an original masterpiece; some are being painted in as they go while some are still trying to find the colors to fit themselves into the museum of life.

Do you know what makes us go on with our lives?

Breathing.

-Thoughts of Zayne at ten at night in December.